adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
