i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
