I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize