a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
