U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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