That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
