Sry I called you an 8
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
