Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
