did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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