I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just want nice things and good sex
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Randomize
