hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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