Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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