Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
