My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
