just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
