I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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