Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I love you. Go after that dick
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
