ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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