but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
