Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
