Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize