lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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