I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
