girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The air was thick with penises
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize