How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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