update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
