genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
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