Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
