shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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