If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
