Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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