the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize