I have demons in me.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
