Already got asked if we're dating
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize