I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
