Sponge bath it is.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
wanna go halves on a baby?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
