I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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