I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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