he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize