the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
