I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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