i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
