Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
