6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
