but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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