My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you would pick up someone in the library
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Randomize
