Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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