I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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