Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
