i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize