Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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