so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
