She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
