Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
