it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
