i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
We just shotgunned beers for America
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
