Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
