i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
