my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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