There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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