i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
