I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I need water and some morals
Randomize
