508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Randomize
