May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
